Day 52 (Friday, November 19, 2021)
Costs for the Day are in the Table below:
We woke up at 6:30am to pack our climbing gear and catch the train to Estombar where we were planning to meet Amanda and Claudio to go climbing in Rocha da Pena. Unfortunately, we ended up running late and missing the train.
Bi and I were having some negative feelings between us so we decided to go home. Spending every day together and trying to pursue our dreams that, at times, diverge a bit, can be challenging in a way that takes some adapting and compromise. So, today ended up being less of a day of adventure and more of a day to work on our relationship and discuss our goals.
One tool that we have found immensely helpful in our relationship is called IMAGO Dialogue that was developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, both Ph.D.’s. While I do not necessarily agree with everything in their New York Times Bestselling book Getting the Love you Want, I would definitely recommend reading it and practicing the dialogue tools. The dialogue tools seem extremely awkward at first so it is useful to attend a workshop. Bi and I did this when we moved to Australia without knowing anyone else and found it very helpful. The IMAGO Dialogue was discussed on Oprah a few times and here is a link to some of the main steps – IMAGO Dialogue as Presented on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
- Mirroring – Basically repeating back what your partner has said to ensure clear understanding without distortion of their thoughts or feelings.
- Validating – Validating that their perspective makes sense. You do not have to agree with them but you have to be willing to set aside judgement and be able to understand why their position makes sense to them.
- Empathy – Then you must put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand what they are feeling.
- Request/Giving a Gift – Your partner may then ask you for what they would like from you – a small positive request. You may propose an alternative if it is not feasible or practical for you.
We also find that giving “Appreciations” are very impactful. Essentially, telling your partner that you would like to give them an Appreciation and then explaining to them something that they have done that you very much appreciate and thanking them for it. Often, it is easy to take these actions for granted so make sure you take time to celebrate the positive little moments and actions in your relationship!
